Harmony and her bubbles

Harmony and I used to work in the same group. We've since moved to different groups, but we still have dinner occasionally to catch up on news.

She said that she used to be scared by me, that I was intimidating. And she wouldn't have thought of talking to me if it wasn't for Huaying, another friend. Huaying came to me for advice once and she encouraged Harmony to approach me to get advice about work. So, Harmony knocked on my door, sat on my guest chair and listened.

Well, actually, it was more interactive than that. You see, Harmony was fresh out of college -- naive, idealistic. So, during our chats when she would whine about something, I'd recognize an idealism, straighten out her misconceptions, and tell her the way it really is. I knew I popped one of her bubbles when she gripped the arms of her chair and screamed, "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" That was always fun. :-)

After a while, the bubble-popping was getting less and less frequent. So, I sat her down and told her that I was kicking her out of the nest and that I wasn't going to give her any more advice. And then it happened again, "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" :-)

But our relationship changed from mentorship to friendship during a critical time in my life about two years before my divorce. I was at the airport, chasing after a husband who was acting erratically. I needed someone's help to deal with logistics at work because I had to leave with very little notice. I called Harmony. I was half-sobbing as I was explaining what needed to be done. She asked if I was okay. Halfway through my story, she interrupted with platitudes that sounded very familiar; they were the same words I told her earlier that year. I said, "Harmony, I don't want to hear that crap! I'm having an emotional breakdown here!"

Sometimes, she tries to give me a taste of my own medicine, but it never works. She still has to learn that being a good adviser has nothing to do with what you actually say, but everything to do with knowing what to say and when. An advice that sounds right one time will be entirely wrong another time. It all depends on the situation and the person. It's a subtle art, you know. :-)

I think I surprised her when I called my own advice "crap", but that was an advice in itself. Before that, she trusted my words completely; nowadays, she questions them. Sometimes, she'd tell me that she followed so-and-so's advice about something and I'd say gently, "Harmony, I told you that a long time ago." She had stopped acting on my advice, unless she hears the same thing (almost verbatim) from someone else, which -- if I may say so myself -- is quite often.

And then came Brian. Like Harmony, he spent hours in my office, picking my brains, bouncing ideas. However, unlike Harmony, he didn't grip his chair and scream "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" whenever I blew away his misconceptions. He just had a stunned look on his face, which was just as much fun to watch. :-) And, unlike Harmony, Brian had more confidence in his own judgment and was not afraid to go against my advice. And that was fine by me; some people just have to learn from their own mistakes. ;-)