My ambitious daimon

Brian said something yesterday. It was another one of those "I am?!?" moments. You see, I'm applying for MBA programs for next year and he's reviewing my first application essay. What he said was "I know how ambitious you are" or something like that. It was a nice compliment, but ... I am?!?

I always think of ambition as going after a result -- financial security, recognition, respect, whatever. Yes, I want those things too, but they're only side-effects of what I want. What I really want is to DO things, to get certain things done.

Some time ago, I read this book "Care of the Soul" by Thomas Moore which talks about a daimon that we are all born with. At certain points in our lives, this daimon nudges us towards our destiny and it compels us to do something. If we ignore the daimon, it manifests as dissatisfaction with life, even depression. So, all I'm really doing is answering the call of the daimon. Is that ambition?

Since I was a small child, I had a feeling that I was destined to do great things. I didn't know how or in what field. I just knew. That conviction became stronger as I discovered my innate abilities and interests. And they were many. My high school principal called me multi-talented. My therapist Joe called me a "Renaissance woman." So, I wondered why would I be given these gifts if I wasn't meant to use them?

So, if greatness really is my destiny (and, to be honest, I doubt that most of the time), then my seemingly ambitious nature is really my daimon compelling me to do great things. And, if greatness is not my destiny (and only time will tell), then I'm just fooling myself and I really am just another ambitious megalomaniac. As Joe once said, "Having delusions of being God again?" :-) But that's another story. :-)