Heren

Sometimes, people surprise me. Heren is one of those people.

I've been depressed lately. Okay, I've been depressed since I got back to Minneapolis. Much worse the past few weeks. But I was surviving.

Last night, I took a nap when I got home; I was extremely exhausted. I thought it was just because I had a very full day and I didn't get enough sleep. Then a half hour later, my sister Dee text'd me to go online and she told me the news that my uncle (the husband of my mom's sister) was in a coma and was dying. I later found out that he had a stroke. The rest of the evening, several calls and IM messages back and forth among the rest of the family about money, tickets, and decisions.

I was calm; I was fine. However, I was still exhausted this morning, so I decided to skip my 8am class and sleep in. I had a dream about my uncle walking past a door (he passed away this morning) and another dream about losing my vision because of cataracts spreading in my eyes. When I finally woke up, I was still a bit worried about my mom, but I was well enough to get some schoolwork done. I was so engrossed in it that I had missed an 11:00am meeting. However, I had time to get ready for my 1:30pm meeting.

But, as I was getting dressed after my shower, something flipped. It must have been having to decide what to wear. Or figuring out what I needed to bring with me today. I dunno. It was something so incredibly trivial. And I couldn't make up my mind. Out of frustration, I sat down and cried. It was so overwhelming that I couldn't get the energy to finish dressing. I couldn't stand the thought of being around people today. I was having a breakdown.

The intensity of the emotions didn't make sense. The loss of control didn't make sense. And it was getting worse by the minute. It's the same feeling as the last time I had a breakdown, just before my divorce, in an airport. And Harmony got me through that one. So, I called Heren. I wasn't sure if she'd be able to deal with my breakdown. I had the same doubts about Harmony the first time too. But Heren pulled through for me, just as Harmony did.

By the time I got to Heren's house, I was a bit calmer. I think having to find my way to her house got me distracted enough. We went to an Italian restaurant in a nearby mall and had dessert. And we talked. She intuitively understood that my uncle's death was just a trigger, that there were other issues beneath the surface. And that's what we talked about - the real issues.

The thing is, I already knew that she's a true friend, not from anything she said to me, but from what she says to other people. At least twice now, I met some Asian first years who almost instantly trusted me and respected me. I thought it was just because I'm older since Asian cultures put emphasis on respecting one's elders. Then I found out that they knew about me even before they met me because Heren has been talking to them about me! And she has been saying a lot of good things about me! I was very surprised.

And, today, she was depressed herself but she was there for me.

There's an old wise soul in that young body. She amazes me.